"Write
what you know." That's the oldest advice for any would-be authors.The same goes for stand-up comedians. Take Steve Lazarus, for example.
A Yankee Stadium beer vendor now celebrating his 31st Anniversary at the House that Ruth Built, Steve not only leaves fans laughing in the aisles at the big ballpark in The Bronx, but at Comedy Clubs around the country, as well.
And he uses his "day job" as a source for many of his routines.
Steve says he sometimes feels like a woman with big breasts when he's selling beer: "The straps dig into my shoulders," he says, "my back is always killing me, and all the guys, well. . .they just stare at my cups!"
Slinging suds came before slinging jokes for The Bronx native and lifetime Yankees fanatic. As a kid attending Yankees games, he'd enviously eye the vendors who sold beer, peanuts, hot dogs and other ballpark delicacies. "I used to look at those vendors and say, 'Man! That's the greatest job in the world! You get paid money to see all the Yankee games for free. Wow!"
In 1977, Steve, then a college student, started vending at Yankee Stadium. He was Vendor #2,711 and he felt like he was in the minor leagues. "They'd give me ice cream in the middle of April," he said. (That's cold.) Today, he's Vendor #58 and the Man.
The Beer Man.
In 1995, Steve embarked on a double-play -- and, in time, fulfilled his ultimate fantasy.
"I always wanted to do what Robert Klein and George Carlin did for a living," he says. "I was always witty and clever. I could make people laugh. I thought, what better life could there be than being The Beer Man at Yankee Stadium and a stand-up comedian?"
Steve's comedy career started at Pip's in Brooklyn -- and, naturally, he mined his "sales experience" for material. "Being a vendor at the Stadium," he says, "people expect me to know certain things. For instance, the other day someone asked me, 'How do you get to the upper deck?' I told them there's a helicopter that leaves behind second base between each inning.
Today, Steve's hilarious tales of his grandstand adventures have convulsive audiences across the country, from Atlantic City to Las Vegas -- where he performs a few weeks a year -- taking notice as he pitches one gem after another.
Steve has shared the stage with the likes of superstars Ray Romano, Robert Klein and Kevin James; has been featured on "Last Call with Carson Daly"; and was featured in news articles in the New York Daily News and The Village Voice. He's also appeared on many New York News Shows and, last year, during the Major League Baseball Playoffs, was featured on Fox 5's "Good Day New York."
But don't expect to see Steve anywhere other than Yankee Stadium come October. He never books dates that month.
No way, Jose.
"I can't," he insists, "let anything get in the way of the Yankee postseason."